why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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