did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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