Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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