I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hippo gnu deer
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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