i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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