the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize