He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
