He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
