we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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