I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
