His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
