My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
