I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
