i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize