Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
