they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
