remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
