Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
