My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
