How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
