Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude i'm inner monologue high
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
