you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
