Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
