As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
