It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize