I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
porn star boner night. come get it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
