There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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