i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
