just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
