im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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