what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
