I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
