Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize