Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
