Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
