I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
