im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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