Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize