dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
