I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
as a side note pls kill me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
