When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
