Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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