you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
