it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
