i jhust puked up my retainher.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
