you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just had sex bonerless
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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