She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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