smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wakey wakey hands off snakey
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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