when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
