I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
