i already hear my dad disowning me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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