I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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