it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
