Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
