My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I pour the whiskey from now on
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
