I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We are two peas in an std pod
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
