There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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