It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
