I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
