I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
