Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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