His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
