FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
