we have pet lesbian snakes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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