You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
